Lesson #3: Failure

As long as we continue to live, we will encounter various experiences that will help us understand more on life. I'd like to quote two sayings for this entry. These are:
"Failure is only a temporary change in direction to set you straight for your next success." and
"A failure is a man who has blundered but is not capable of cashing in on the experience."
Basically, what I want everyone to know is that failure is a valuable experience. We do so many things right that we usually not see these as successes, but something like routine. By experiencing failure and learning from it, you will gain wisdom that will be more significant to you than the experience you gain from your daily successes.

Why did I suddenly post an entry of this topic? Well, a new friend of mine recently talked about the betrayal of a friend. I simply told her to learn from this betrayal. Harsh, but that's the way life works as I've observed. Temporarily shifting my topic to friendship, I'd like to share a way of mine. I regard to almost every person that talks to me as my friends. However, I trust them almost no more than strangers. The more I know about these friends of mine, the more I know how much trust I give to them. Bluntly put, I don't give them more trust than they're worth. At least not anymore. Why? To quote a text I've read before, "it is a fact that almost everyone in your life would hurt you; you just have to pick who's worth the pain."

Back to the primary topic. The reason I even discussed the other topic in the first place is simply to share with you an example of the lessons I've learned from other peoples' experiences. Nonetheless, I've my own experiences of failures that I've learned from. But I'll end my discussion here. Class dismissed!

Lesson #2: Love

How can you tell if you're in love with a person? When you feel like you want that person for yourself? When you want to spend most of your time with that person? Or is it when you're ready to sacrifice yourself for that person's happiness?

I've witnessed this fact with my own eyes. But what most people refer to as "love" is for their own selves. Although they say and convince themselves that they love a person, what they desire the most is for that person to be theirs; despite what the other person feels about them.

I've denied this fact numerous times, but I've had feelings of infatuation toward several females. During my kindergarten to elementary years, I've had different crushes every year. The change of crushes slowed down as I've entered high school. Why did I mention that? To prove that I'm not a non-feeling person who has never experienced liking someone. It was during high school when I learned how it is to love. No, I did not fall in love with someone. However, I came close to doing so, but crushed my hopes of being close to that person because of my defensive nature, while my feelings were in an early stage. I doubt if she felt as bad about what I did as I think she might have, but that caused me to distance myself from that person, afraid I might do more harm. It was when I distanced myself from her that I realized what I really wanted. I wanted her to be happy. And that's what it really means to love a person.

This is a common feeling. But people usually don't like watching the person they love happy without them. It is in our nature to feel that it is pointless for the person we love to be happy when it is not with us. I'm not saying you shouldn't try trying to be loved. What I'm pointing out here is simply to learn when you should give up trying. Usually, people who try really hard to be loved by the person he/she loves ends up hurting that person.

This is a popular saying: "You always hurt the one you love." It's even in some songs. Take note of the word "always". That means hurting the person we love is natural. Thus, we shouldn't be afraid of hurting the person we love. However, we shouldn't hurt them so much as to break them. Believe me, it is hard to be happy with someone who gets hurt just by being with you.

Lesson #1: Relationship

     There's a popular saying that goes: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". To put it simply, this means that when people, be it friends, lovers, or family, are apart, they long for each other more, thus improving their relationship.

     But unmentioned in the saying, the opposite is also true. As absence improve relationships, presence, more often than not, ruins it. I'm not saying that presence always destroys relationships. However, too much of it has a pretty good chance of doing so.

     The best way to maintain or to improve a relationship is to balance things. A good balance is not necessarily equal. The balance will depend on the type of relationship.

     As I am currently single, I don't want to give my input on marriage. However, I can give my insights on friendship.

     Based on my experience, in a friendship between two people, there is usually at least one aggressive person. Most friendships are created and maintained because at least one of the people in consideration is under the aggressive type. The aggressive type is the one who is doing something for the friendship to improve or remain. Most likely, the aggressive type is the one who talked to the other or took the initiative to make friends with the other person. The opposite of the aggressive type falls under the category passive type.

     I suggest you find out what type your friendship falls under and the roles of each member of the group.

All-aggressive= All of the people in the group fall under the aggressive type.
Most-aggressive= Most of the people in the group fall under the aggressive type.
Some-aggresive = Some of the people in the group fall under the aggressive type.
All-passive= All of the people in the group fall under the passive type.

     Logically, most friendships are composed of all-aggressive or most-aggressive. There are also a good number of friendships under the some-aggressive category. All-passive friendships are hard to find. However, if the people in the group of all-passive see each other as their best friends, this is the type that is easy to maintain.

     As aggressive type people usually start the friendship, they are the ones likely to destroy it as well. This is especially so if the aggressive type is friends with a passive type. The aggressive-passive friendship will last only if the aggressive type gives the passive type enough space, as passive types are usually uncomfortable if they don't have enough space.

      Therefore, in order to maintain or improve your friendship, these are my suggestions:

All-aggressive Friendship:
     Basically, these are the types that go for their impulses. They like spending time with another and will often go out to malls or other places. This type of friendship will probably last if they find something they like in common. If they're a big group, they could split their group according to their likes and do what they feel like doing.

Most-aggressive Friendship:
     This is also similar to all-aggressive friendship. However, passive types will often be left out of the activities of the group. It is best not to force the passive types to do what they don't want to do or they will feel unliberated.

Some-aggressive Friendship:
     If there are only two of you, be sure to give the passive type enough space as he/she wants, or he/she will feel uneasy with the aggressive type. This usually leads to a one-sided friendship.
     If there are more than two, there is less problems. However, if the aggressive type keeps on forcing the passive types to do things, the aggressive type is in a risk of being the less-liked person of the group.

All-passive Friendship:
     This friendship, like I mentioned earlier, is easy to maintain. They are often free to do whatever each one wants to do as there is no one who tells the others what to do. If the friendship is real, the people in the group often find comfort with each other. The absence of the others is usually enough to balance out the presence.
     Though this type of friendship may feel dull, this type of friendship has an unseen beauty in it. My suggestion for this type is simply to keep it up.

That's all for lesson 1. If you have any questions or clarifications, feel free to ask away.

The Beginning

This post is merely a celebration of the birth of my new blog. Basically, I will post my beliefs, lessons in life, or anything I feel that can help others in their lives.

That's quite a long introduction, isn't it?
Well, without further ado, I will begin with the first lesson.